I’ve gotten to know God differently through the loss of our two babes. He has been very present, very comforting, very gracious in the midst of loss. I knew that about God before, but had never known it from experience. It’s different. It’s deeper. It provokes a deeper love and trust of him. And I […]

Our children. Luke’s death has impacted that big question we’ve been wrestling with: “How many? How will we know when to stop?” Before our miscarriages, I took for granted that we could have as many as we wanted. They came every year. Our thoughts were more about how and when to limit these blessings than […]

If we’re not careful, we can find ourselves being better parents to the children we’ve lost than we are to the ones who live under our roof. Luke will always seem innocent, sweet and sinless in our eyes. It’s easy to be patient with him. And we never have to feel the weight of our […]

It was our bittersweet privilege to steward Luke’s little body. Kerry felt this responsibility heavily, felt it was his in particular as a father. We have a friend who is a mortician by trade, who without question or fee took care of the details of bringing Luke’s body from the hospital and wrapping him for […]

Kerry and I have both been surprised to discover that we don’t feel like something was ripped away from us as much as we feel like God gave us a gift. We expected to have Luke all our lives, but when it turned out we didn’t get to, we felt glad to have had him […]

I did not say this right after our first miscarriage, eight months ago. (We gave birth to Luke — our sixth child — when we thought we would be giving birth to our fifth. Almost to the day.) We were just five or six weeks pregnant when we lost that baby, and I still took […]

We held our baby, prayed over him, and said our goodbyes. But even in that moment we were filled with peace. Joy even (I wouldn’t call it happiness). Because we believe — do I dare say know? — that he’s with Jesus. He’s whole and healthy and peaceful. He awoke to the wonder of eternity […]

Our day of waiting began. Contractions started slow and small and we had a lot of time to rest and think. A lot of time to wonder about the baby we’d so soon say hello and goodbye to. We cried off and on all day, but also smiled and laughed and remembered and imagined. The […]

It’s been nine days since we gave birth to Luke. He was already gone from us in spirit by then, having died in the womb 15 weeks and 5 days after his conception. We’re surprised (but maybe shouldn’t be) that our hearts have been so peaceful during the loss of our son. We cry at […]