Hope (Part 9/9)

I’ve gotten to know God differently through the loss of our two babes. He has been very present, very comforting, very gracious in the midst of loss. I knew that about God before, but had never known it from experience. It’s different. It’s deeper. It provokes a deeper love and trust of him. And I can see why people say, “I never would have chosen this suffering, but I’m so thankful for it.” God is present in suffering. And his presence is very, very sweet and wonderful.

It’s easy for me to feel sadness about Luke. Kerry said the other day in bed, “I know Luke is with Jesus, but his body is buried outside, and I just think it must be really cold out there.” I can cry just thinking about it. The thought of our baby, cold and alone, is horrid. But he’s not. And I have to remind myself of that. He’s alive. Right now. With Jesus. Embraced by a warm and beautiful family of saints.

My sadness is for myself. The loss is ours to bear. And we would gladly bear it for him. While I was writing these notes in church, the band started singing that wonderful song, “All My Tears.” These are the words:

When I go, don’t cry for me
In my Father’s arms I’ll be
The wounds this world left on my soul
Will all be healed and I’ll be whole.

Sun and moon will be replaced
With the light of Jesus’ face
And I will not be ashamed
For my Savior knows my name.

It don’t matter where you bury me,
I’ll be home and I’ll be free.
It don’t matter where I lay,
All my tears be washed away.

Gold and silver blind the eye
Temporary riches lie
Come and eat from heaven’s store,
Come and drink, and thirst no more

It don’t matter where you bury me
I’ll be home and I’ll be free
It don’t matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away

So, weep not for me my friends,
When my time below does end
For my life belongs to Him
Who will raise the dead again.

It don’t matter where you bury me,
I’ll be home and I’ll be free.
It don’t matter where I lay,
All my tears be washed away.

We feel the grief of our loss. We always will. But the burden is so much lighter when we feel also the full weight of the joy that Christ has set before us. We’re not lost. Luke is not lost. Our other baby is not lost. We will meet again. We will meet the mighty man who is our son.

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